Dear old me,
I wish I was just as carefree as you
I wish my smile was as big as it was before, when I didn’t care about my imperfect teeth and my laugh lines.
I wish I could just go out and put my hair in a low pony tail and wear no makeup because I didn’t care what people thought
I wish I could go up to people like you used to and talk to them like you’ve known them for years. I wish i possess that confidence that I sometimes struggle to find now.
I wish I could make mistakes and not be accountable for them because I’m too young to know better , but here I am making mistakes even though I know I should have done better.
I wish I could be like you. Because you never sat in front of a mirror for hours studying every little detail on your face and body…thinking that what makes you beautiful is what is on the outside.
To the old me, you were beautiful and you were very stressfree but to the new me you are still beautiful and even though your not carefree you are growing and eventually you won’t care about people’s stares no more, you’ll no longer care about how you style your hair or the type of clothes you wear, or those imperfect teeth and laugh lines because one day you’ll be reminded that beauty isn’t your exterior it’s your interior. To the old me. I love you but I have to let go so I can grow. To the new me…well take it easy and you’ll be just fine.
Loving someone has taught me many things. It has taught me to express my feelings even when the last thing that I want to do is utter a word. It’s not always about being right its about compromsie and wanting the best not only for yourself but for your Amor.
It also taught me how important the clichè traits “trust” “honesty” and “communication” really are. People can have all the money in the world, the latest phone or the nicest car ever to exist but without appreciating one another love will not flourish, and love wont last. Appreciating the words they say, the things they do for you especially if they do it unexpectedly. You know how special and meaningful that is? They could be messaging a friend or watching a random video on YouTube or even spending time with their loved ones but instead they are thinking about you, dreaming about you and taking time out of their day to make yours better and the best it can be. So appreciate the small things and appreciate them as a person, as a whole, for their past and their flaws because tomorrow is never promised. Don’t wait till it’s gone to start appreciating and expressing that love. And if you can don’t always do it over a text or a snap. Hearing the emotion, passion and love in a loved ones voice makes your eyes water and your heart beat faster.
P.s. dont forget to appreciate yourself.
I found out eventually that even if you don’t see eye to eye with someone you used to see eye to eye with …you don’t actually despise them …you wish them the best because they deserve happiness just as much as you do. Maybe they didn’t treat you the way you should have been treated but everyone makes mistakes. We can’t dwell on the past. We can however, remember the good memories with that person that make us smile and maybe even tear up a little – but that’s okay. It shows a level of maturity to wish someone well – especially someone who hurt you. Maybe it just wasn’t the right time, the right place. Maybe it just was not meant to be. Maybe it’s better this way. No one knows. But God. I smile when I see you smile. I’m happy when I see you happy. I’ll be happy for you with all my heart when you make it. I’ll be the first one to congratulate you – maybe not personally but in my heart I will. There’s no point hating anyone in this world. Life is too short for sadness and hatred. Love those that love you and still love those that don’t love you. At least then you won’t be hurting them.